Reaching the age of 40 is often treated as a milestone of achievement, a finish line for youth or a trophy for survival, but for Tolu Odukoya, this milestone wasn’t about looking at her achievements. It was about an honest, unvarnished look at her own life.
In a recent talk with Dear Ife, she moved past the clichés of “getting older” to discussing the practical and often difficult necessity of introspection.
Odukoya described her current season as one of total transparency with herself. She didn’t just turn a page; she went back and read every chapter.
She described her current mindset as one of total transparency. She didn’t just move on to the next decade, she went back to review the data of her own experiences.
“Just looking at my life from 0 to 40… I had to talk about everything I experienced,” she said. And she dug into the specifics: the reality of her marriage, the shifts in her public life, and the private moments that defined her.
Her perspective is that age brings a specific responsibility, the obligation to stop performing for the world and start being honest with yourself. “Age has taught us that… whatever it is, you must be true to yourself.”
What stands out about Odukoya’s approach is how practical it is. She doesn’t view introspection as a vague emotional exercise, but as a rigorous way to handle failure.
“When you fail at something, you must introspect,” she explained. “What did you do wrong? How could you have been better?”
She argued that failure only becomes a waste when we don’t take the time to dissect it by asking: “How could I have been better?”
Odukoya moved away from blaming external circumstances and focused on internal growth. It’s about looking at every “mess up” as a data point, ensuring that past mistakes become lessons instead of recurring cycles.
One of the most relatable parts of her reflection is her admission of the “irony”. She addressed a struggle many face but few talk about: How someone can have a great pedigree and a solid foundation, yet still deal with the internal weight of “not feeling enough”.
Through her audit, Odukoya realised that you can’t fix a problem you refuse to acknowledge. By being willing to face her own truth, even the parts that include failure or insecurity, she is able to bridge the gap between who she is expected to be and who she actually is.
