For many couples, divorce marks the end of a relationship. For children, it can feel like the collapse of an entire world. Veteran Nollywood actress Ireti Doyle knows this firsthand.
Speaking from experience, the actress, who has six children from her previous marriage, did not soften the reality of what separation does to a family, particularly the children caught in the middle.
She said: “Out of all the people affected, I think theirs is more.”
It’s a perspective grounded in lived experience. According to Doyle, the emotional impact on children goes far beyond what most parents anticipate. She said: “You had their reality shattered… you have their security shattered… you have them questioning things.”
And even though her family dynamic was a blended one, for Doyle, that distinction never mattered. She said: “I don’t call them step… I had children.”
By the time the marriage ended, those children were grown—yet the emotional fallout was still immediate and difficult, she said.
She added: “The first year was rough… There was a bit of resentment… understandably so… For a while they didn’t speak to me… understandably so.”
What followed was not distance, but deliberate effort in her part. “I actively pursued, sustained, and maintained a relationship with my boys,” she said.
Doyle is clear about one thing: When a parent makes a decision that alters the structure of the family, they must also take responsibility for its impact. She said: “If you take a decision that affects several other people, you’re kind of responsible for the damage… or whatever ripple effect that may have.”
That responsibility, she says, includes protecting children from being pulled into adult conflict. She said: “The children have nothing to do with what went wrong between you and your partner… They should not be collateral damage.”
And while she acknowledges that the early stages can be painful and unpredictable, she insists that rebuilding stability is not optional.
She said: “It might be rough in the early days, but the onus is on you.”
For Doyle, parenting after divorce is not about waiting for things to fix themselves. It is active, intentional, and, at times, uncomfortable work.
