- Tess Karanja, a Nairobi mother of three, shared her emotional journey through child loss, postpartum depression, and healing
- Speaking to NgGossips, she revealed that her mental health declined after a Caesarean section, leaving her with emotional distress
- She credited her recovery to a community of mums and Malaica’s maternity care support system, which offered a range of support services
- NgGossips spoke to counselling psychologist Deborah Mate, who shared deep insights into the mental state of mothers pre and post delivery
The journey of motherhood is beautiful and, for many, often appears perfect from a distance.
Source: UGC
However, those who have actually experienced it say it is never perfect and takes a lot to reveal the beauty people see from the outside.
For Tess Karanja, motherhood began on a very difficult note, filled with struggles and imperfections, before she eventually found her footing.
Speaking to NgGossips, the now mother of three narrated her journey through child loss, postpartum depression, and finally reaching a place of healing and mental stability.
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After experiencing a child loss, Tess later became pregnant again and gave birth to her first child, describing the period as relatively smooth.
She recalled receiving support from her family as she learned how to care for her newborn and ensure the baby was safe and well provided for.
However, challenges began after the birth of her second child via Caesarean section. Within the first week, her mental health began to deteriorate, leaving her vulnerable.
The mother of three recalls being unable to even look at herself in the mirror, struggling with the scar on her abdomen.
“I think they did not stitch me well. I had an ugly scar, it developed keloids, and for the longest time I struggled to look at myself. I knew I needed help to be able to be there for my baby. It felt like depression,” said Tess.
Living with her husband, who was also unsure how to support her while caring for a newborn, made the situation even more difficult.
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She admitted she did not initially share her struggles with him, believing he would not fully understand, and this strained their relationship.
“My husband tried being there for me, asking me to help him understand what I was going through, but I felt he could not, being a man,” she shared.
How did Tess Karanja heal from postpartum depression?
Feeling overwhelmed and as though she was drowning, Tess decided to seek help, which led her to Malaica, a maternity care support platform.
She described the experience as one that provided both emotional and physical support.
Tess underwent counselling sessions aimed at helping her rebuild her self-esteem and improve how she viewed herself.
Doctors also reviewed her recovery progress and connected her to a WhatsApp group with other mothers.
“The first thing they asked me was how I was doing. It was not even about the baby at first. They gave me attention as a mother before even checking on my child. I felt at home. I was well taken care of,” she said.
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According to Tess, the group offered 24-hour support, allowing her to ask questions and receive quick responses from fellow mothers and medical professionals when needed.
She said the community felt like family, despite being online, as her concerns were addressed within minutes.
Source: UGC
How did the support system help Tess?
For Tess, attending weekly training sessions every Wednesday and learning more about motherhood became a turning point.
Sharing experiences with other mothers helped her cope, especially hearing stories from women who had gone through similar challenges.
“You would listen to some stories and realise yours is not even the worst. The community of mums really helped. I remember a time I felt like I was drowning, and one of the mums came to my house and stayed with me the whole day, teaching me various things, especially breastfeeding, which I had always struggled with,” she said.
She also noted that Malaica organised online forums where mothers could ask questions in live sessions, with specialists responding in real time.
Tess expressed gratitude for the 24/7 care offered, including access to therapists, doctors, and nurses whenever needed.
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Tess and her family have also attended events organised by Malaica, some involving her children and even her husband, experiences she says have made her more open to the idea of having more children.
She added that the affordability of the programme also made it easier to manage.
“They are very cost-effective as well. I could pay KSh 3,500 every month, and all my baby’s needs and mine would be covered. The clinics were all sorted, and the only thing I paid extra for were scans,” she said.
She also attributed the smooth delivery of her lastborn to the care she received at Malaica, noting that even her CS scar was well stitched.
“I could be in a different hospital but they sent their own doctors to check on me, did the C-Section and their peadetrician handeld my baby. I felt special and well taken care of,” she said.
NgGossips spoke to counselling psychologist Deborah Mate, who shared deep insights into the mental state of mothers before and after delivery.
She also answered common questions many mothers have during these stages, offering guidance on how to cope and make motherhood lighter, healthier, and more manageable.
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Why is looking after a mother’s mental state important (pre and post delivery)?
Pregnancy and the postpartum period are a major developmental transition. During pregnancy and after birth, a mother is not only caring for a baby, she is also going through a major emotional and identity shift. She is reorganising her body, her relationships, and her sense of self.
During this time, the brain is actually more emotionally sensitive in areas linked to bonding and threat detection. If she is overwhelmed, anxious, or unsupported, it affects how she bonds, how she responds, and how she experiences motherhood. That means it is a period when a mother is more responsive, but also more vulnerable. Her mental state directly shapes how she bonds with her baby, interprets the baby’s needs and create a safe environment for the baby and herself. When we support a mother emotionally, we are not only caring for her, we are also supporting the baby, the relationship, and the whole family system.
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How easy is it for a mum to fall into depression?
It is actually easier than many people think, not because mothers are weak but because this is a very vulnerable period, and many protective systems are under strain. There are hormonal changes, sleep deprivation, physical recovery, and a lot of pressure to ‘get it right.’
When you combine that with limited support or previous stress, it can overwhelm what we call the brain’s coping capacity. Depression doesn’t just happen suddenly; it will often develop when stress exceeds the mother’s available emotional and social support. It’s not about weakness; it’s about load versus support. Instead of asking why she is struggling, ask what support she is missing.
What are the signs to watch out for?
Some signs are very visible, and others are not. We look at changes across three psychological areas:
- Mood including persistent sadness, irritability and emotional numbness
- Thinking patterns including excessive worry, self-critical thoughts (‘I’m not good enough’) as well as catastrophic thinking.
- Behaviour and connection, which comprises withdrawal from others, difficulty bonding with the baby and loss of interest in things she used to enjoy.
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One key psychological marker is when distress becomes persistent and begins to affect functioning and connection. And sometimes the most important sign is simply: ‘She is not herself anymore.’
How can we tell if a mum’s mental state is getting better or worse?
A helpful way to look at it is through functioning, emotional movement, regulation, and connection returning.
If she is improving: She begins to feel a bit more like herself, she can experience moments of relief or joy, she is able to ask for help, and daily tasks feel slightly more manageable.
However, if things are getting worse she will feel stuck or increasingly overwhelmed, there is persistent sadness or anxiety without relief, she withdraws more and even starts to feel hopeless or disconnected.
What is the importance of support programs like Malaica in improving maternal wellbeing?
Many mothers lack consistent, safe, and informed support. Malaica offers protective factors by creating a space where mothers find social support, and they do not feel alone. Questions can be asked freely, emotional struggles are normalised, early signs of distress can be identified and practical and psychological care come together.
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Psychologically, healing and resilience don’t happen in isolation they happen in safe, consistent relationships and environments. Malaica provide services that actively reduce risk and build emotional resilience. Malaica sends the message ‘You matter too.’
Recommendations
Human beings regulate through connection. For the mum who is struggling, it doesn’t mean that you are failing; it may simply mean you need more support. You are not meant to do this alone. You do not have to have everything figured out to be a good mother. Your baby does not need perfection; they need a regulated and supported mother, and you deserve that care too. Maternal mental health is shaped by three things: Support, stress, and safety
Source: NgGossips
